Tea, Fire and Boredom

Reuniting with my blog

I haven’t been writing much as of late. I have found that working a 9-5 job does stifle your creativity a bit. I find that my idle thoughts flow much more easily from an unworked mind. With each engineering and programming problem I solve, I work one half of my brain while leaving the other to atrophy and wither. I will have to do something about that. The problem is that because 8+ hours of my day are devoted to work (and I do actually work during that time), I find that I have less material to write about. My mind is dominated by work, programs, semi-colons and robots. Silly musings about the ant I saw today seem out of place. I suppose that is the sign of a imprisoned spirit. I’ll try and write more. I spend so much time doing science; at least a few minutes of my day can be devoted to one of my favored crafts.

When I was younger, I felt that the most profound way of expressing my thoughts was through complaint. It’s a very useful technique that I still use frequently in my writing, speech and pretty much any other form of communication. However, I feel I have become more calm as of late. I spend more time alone than I used to, and face an environment where I have less control over the situation. In high school, I had a dominant position in the campus’ intellectual life and I could easily assert my will and opinions on basically any subject I chose. The range, depth and sheer amount of subjects, people, traditions and ideas at University are frankly too much for one single person to fully criticize all of it. I found just in reading my past few entries a marked difference from what I would have written in the past. While they are not really nature writing, they seem to reflect a kind of peace or harmony with the elements of the campus culture I find annoying, as opposed to outright hostility (Though “Stupid Shit” if fairly hostile). I wish to spend a few moments complaining about something so obvious, it is literally right outside of my door.

When I am asked how I like Princeton, I am invariably placed into a spot where I must distill a dizzying range of events into a quaint sentence. And instead of introducing confusing and ridiculous side of campus culture, I usually reply “we are well taken care of”. It refers to dining, classes and the over abundance of safety around campus. I rarely fear that I will be mugged or raped, and I like that. While we are “safe” inside our castle, the enemy is within the walls. I like Princeton, but I do not have any more allegiance to it than I would my high school or a corporation I buy from. However, the campus is seeped with tradition and a rabid alumni base. And every year, about this time, they descend upon the campus. This is the time of reunions.

While I may seem like an antisocial asshole, for all of my complaints, I like people. I just don’t like everybody. I’m a bit more discriminating. I’m not the ho at the club willing to blow any guy for a drink and perhaps a cute comment. Not me, I have standards. If I had the opportunity to reunite with people that I liked, eat lots of food and drink copious amounts of alcohol, I would jump at that opportunity. I mean, what’s not to like? In that sense, a reunion seems like a great idea. But inthere lies the problem. After I graduate, I will, more or less, stay in contact with the people I like. And I will ignore those I do not like. Therefore, a reunion would entail me only reuniting with the people I didn’t like enough to stay in contact with. Really, it would be like revisiting my class, but only seeing the people I don’t like. And they are numerous indeed.

But if people want to hang out and drink and enjoy life, I’m not one to judge. They should enjoy themselves. You know what I really don’t get. I saw people around reuniting from the Class of 2008… last year. What the fuck are these people doing here? They have nothing to reunite about. They were practically here just yesterday. What kind of empty and pointless life do these people lead such that an enjoyable event is being nostalgic about something that basically just happened? The alumni jokingly point out that life after graduation sucks… a lot. Reunions are a chance to relive the carefree days of drunken revelry of University.

Reunions provide an excellent learning opportunity. It concentrates many elements of the University that I like least into a small confined area. I get to enjoy loyal brothers of some collection of Greek letters yell about how great life was and how their company is doing. Perhaps the alumni have learned that the life they were endlessly prepped and readied for really suck. That perhaps the success and money that they have obtained have not really made them happier. Instead of facing that reality and making it better, they regress to a younger state of alcohol and pre-arranged social networks. I think that is why so many alumni come back. The life of ambition and material gain they have chosen… really sucks. It’s really the social equivalent of trying to crawl back into your mother’s womb.  I think it’s completely pathetic.

I’m 3 years from finishing my time at Princeton, and I already don’t want to attend graduation. I have better, more interesting and more meaningful activities to do than to prance around in weird orange and black outfits while people drink too much. That is what Halloween is for. I don’t want to deal with the crowds of people singing stupid songs, making stupid gestures and doing these ridiculous things because their lives are empty without them. I don’t like “Old Nassau” very much and feel I am fairly close to a Nazi pride gesture than any profound love of knowledge.  I seek to make my life stand upon its own. It does not need the validation by connecting itself to a set of beliefs and rituals created by a bunch of dead white guys.

I will probably only attend reunions under one of two cases:

1) I am beaten over the head repeatedly by a large metal object, grabbed by several large burly men, stabbed several times in non-vital areas such as the leg and hand, and coerced at gun point into the campus

or

2) To show my future wife why I dislike most of my classmates so much. It’s easier than trying to explain and would answer so many questions in just a few short hours.